Things That Happen To You In NYC

You think it's starting to rain, and then get grossed out when you realise it's just someones leaky air conditioner unit dripping on you. You walk past a mound of garbage on the side of the street that starts squeaking. You find an apartment for less than $2,000 a month, but it's a 6th floor walk up and the shower is in the kitchen.

You kid yourself into believing that you'll get on the subway all the time and hang out in the cool neighbourhoods you can't afford to live in, but then you mostly just stick to a 4 block radius around your apartment. You'll think you've hit the jackpot when an almost empty subway carriage stops in front of you. It will either smell like urine or have no airconditioning. Probably both. There is no MTA jackpot. A tourist will run over your exposed sandal clad feet with the wheels of their luggage, making your toes bleed. You will scream 'WHAT THE FUCK!?!' back at them as they continue obliviously on their way to Times Square. You'll learn how to install a window air conditioner unit, and then fall madly in love with it as if you birthed it from your own womb.

You'll walk towards the 43rd Street exit after exiting the train, then see a rat on the platform and decide that you actually don't mind taking the 42nd Street exit today. You will witness people doing things in public that should be done at home. Like clipping ones fingernails. In a Foot Locker store.

You'll see people carrying all sorts of weird stuff on the train and think....why? Why are you carrying a pair of novelty sized garden shears? You will be cat-called a lot. You'll feel equal parts flattered and creeped out. You have a flip flop blow out and have to walk barefoot on dirty streets to the nearest Urban Outfitters....which is only 30 meters away thankfully. You'll witness a couple breaking up either over the phone or in person....and you will take sides. You'll not only witness manspreading on the train, but also butt spreading. When people hold onto the pole between their butt cheeks. The same pole people will hold after their sweaty butt cheeks waddle off the train.

You'll cry surrounded by a crowd of strangers and just not give a fuck. You'll entertain the idea of going out to Williamsburg....but then remember that nobody in living history has ever seen the L train. You take an umbrella when it's raining, but by the time you get to the subway station you're already dripping wet and you wonder why you even bothered doing your hair. You'll get on a first name basis with your pizza delivery guy. Shout out to Manny! You discover halal carts and decide that you can hardly cook dinner for $5, so you may as well just have that for dinner every night.

You'll refuse to pay anymore than $3 for a PBR, unless it's a beer shot combo, in which case you won't pay more than $5.

You'll eat a hot dog for breakfast at least once and give zero fucks. In the summer you'll feel like a wuss because anything over 23 degrees is ridiculously hot here and that's so un-Australian.

And in the winter you promise yourself you'll never complain about Australian winters again. You totally will though.