This is why you're fat, America - Part 1

USA....land of the free and home to more obese people then you can shake a hot dog at. As I pour over restuarant menu's here, it's not hard to see how America got this way. Menu's here are curated using the mantra "Bigger is Better" and their cooking method motto is surely "Just stick it in the deep fryer". Well I'm here to call you out on your ridiculous-ness, America. As much and all as most of your menu items ARE delicious...some things just ought not to be at all, and I wish you would just stop and be a normal country. Mostly because my willpower is terrible and my 'fat jeans' no longer fit me. Follow me on a journey of greasy self loathing as I highlight everything America, and I am doing wrong in life, in the "This is why you're fat, America" series. 1. The Carl's Jr 'Most American ThickBurger'

Honestly America, WTF is this? You can have a cheeseburger. You can have a hot dog. You can have a pack of potato chips. But you CANNOT have all three at the same time, in the same meal, sandwiched between the same two buns. Especially not when you're using 1/3 pounder meat patties. Nope, Nope, Nope. 2. You Fry Absolutely Everything In Sight

You fry things that don't even need to be fried for Christ's sake! Cheese stuffed ravioli is delicious with marinara sauce. BOILED cheese stuffed ravioli. But some genius in America thought "Fuck it, let's just fry it" and now "Fried Ravioli" is a menu staple. You'd probably try to fry the marinara sauce as well if you knew how you gluttinous pigs. Which reminds me...at a summer fair last year I saw "Deep Fried Butter" on the menu. I'm so appauled that I'm going to use one of those annoying phrases youths use that don't even make sense .....I can't even. 3. Gooey Oozey Liquid Cheese

Ok, so full disclaimer: I really, really, REALLY love ooey gooey liquid cheese that bares no resemblance to actual cheese. But it's got to stop. It's not right. I'm not really sure what's in liquid cheese, but I'm just not sure it's really even fit for human consumption. It kind of seems like what you would find in one of those hand stress balls if one popped. And it's absolutely everywhere. You want a side of tots with your gooey cheese? You want some on your popcorn? Here - have a tub of ooey gooey cheese to go with these pickles....that just came out of the deep fryer. There's really no shortage of reasons why America is fat, so until next week...