Is there a flicker of hope until next year after a crushing GOT season finale?

Season Finale time! I can't believe that we've finally reached the end of season 5...and after the last 2 weeks episodes, I'm pretty excited/scared/anxious to see what is in store for the finale. We pick up at Camp Stannis, where the ice is melting and Stannis prepares for the ride to Winterfell, with the Lord of Lights blessings, according to the Red Witch. Yet I'm not sure how blessed Stannis is feeling after he learns that half the men deserted in the night, with all the horses. I'm not sure how long the walk to Winterfell is, but if I was in the remaining number, I'd be heading back to the fires of Castle Black at that point. Aint nobody got time for a long cold walk to Winterfell....and I have very short legs.

To top it off, Stannis's ice queen wife is found dangling from a tree, having offed herself. Which...is probably the strongest thing that woman ever did. Stannis seems a little shocked, but not entirely upset as he orders his wife's body cut down. As if things couldn't get any worse - Stannis learns the Red Witch was seen fleeing camp. A normal person at this point, would probably need to rethink things, but Stannis, so stubborn and sure that the sacrifice of his only child was sure to buy him brownie points with the lord of light, orders the men to march. I feel like this probably won't end well. In Castle Black, Jon Snow is feeling pretty bleak as he toasts with Sam to being the most hated man in Castle Black. We still love you Jon Snow. Sam is also feeling pretty bleak, since he has come to the realisation that he should have become a Maester, not a brother of the nightswatch. I feel like people with Art History or Journalism degrees can probably relate to this. Sam knows that if he stays at Castle Black, he, Gilly and Sam Jnr will wind up killed by one of the brothers, and urges Jon to let him leave to study Maester-hood. Despite Jon needing his friend, he agrees. Before he takes off, Sam FINALLY gets to tell Jon that he got laid...they share a very gentlemanly exchange on the matter...but to translate to modern day speak it was practically *FIST BUMP, HIGH FIVE, JEAH BOY!*

Back at Winterfell, Stannis's sorry and cold looking army marches on while Sansa escapes from her room, on a mission to light a candle in the tower. Pod spots Army Stannis, and rush's to tell Brienne, who has been keeping a vigilant lookout for the light in the tower. As is usual, Sansa has rotten timing and luck, as Brienne turns her back on her lookout mere seconds before Sansa can get it lit. Damn it!! Stannis's army is disorganised and dishevelled as he orders the siege to begin at sunrise....but the Boltons are having none of that as the Calvary gallops towards them. You know that feeling you get, at the Newsagency, when you're buying gum or something....and then you see the Win for Life scratchies, and the rational part of your brain knows that you won't win, but you kind of think "Ahh, what the hell - I'm here anyway" and buy one? Well that's kind of what Stannis looks like when he sees the Bolton Army bearing down on him and he draws his sword. He's pretty sure they're screwed, but figures he may as well fight since he killed his daughter and they did walk all that way. The aerial view really puts into perspective how screwed Stannis is, as the Bolton horses encircle them, and half of his army appears to be running the other way. Sucks to be a Baratheon Bannerman today. And as it happens, it really sucks to be Stannis today, as we see him injured and struggling to walk amongst a sea of his dead men. He manages to kill two Bolton henchmen before leaning against a tree, waiting for death to come. Which comes quickly - in the form of Brienne of Tarth, who he admits to killing his brother Renley to. Seriously, this dude's got some super bad juju when you think about it...you killed your younger brother, tried to kill your bastard nephew, Gendry, *maybe* helped kill your 'not really' nephew Joffrey, by using the blood of your bastard nephew and you killed your only daughter, which led to your wife killing herself. DUUUUUDEE!!! Not cool. Brienne agrees with my findings, and sentences him to die. We see her swing her sword, but don't actually see or hear her kill Stannis....so I'm reserving judgement on whether we can rejoice that this twat is dead yet. Back at the Winterfell castle, Sansa is trying to get back to her room before her crazy husband comes back from viciously stabbing people who surrender. Unfortunately, she runs into her husbands psycho girlfriend and Reek on the way, with said psycho aiming a bow at her and taunting her in a way that makes you really want to stab her in the face with her own arrow. As psycho girl fires an arrow off at Sansa (at one of her non baby-making parts), Reek pushes her off course, and in an act that proves Ramsay may have left Theon with his balls, throws psycho girl over the bannisters head first where she falls to her death. Suck it, bitch. Theon and Sansa then escape by jumping over the castle walls, onto what we hope, was a pillowy mound of soft snow. Over in Bravos the paedophile is being a big dirty paedo and tormenting some young girls (who are apparently young enough), one of which he chooses to torment some more. As she pushes back her hair, we half expect to see Arya....but it's just some random young girl.

Paedo man punches her, and she falls to the ground, and as she recovers and looks up, we discover that it is in fact, Arya! Who jumps on the paedo and stabs him in the eyes and repeatedly in the chest in a frenzied attack, which I love. Arya then reveals this sicko was first on her kill list, for killing her dance teacher. I'm glad she pointed this out, because I had forgotten who this guy was, and why she was so angry at him. As the guy is cradled on the ground, blind and bleeding, Arya stabs him a few more times and tells him she's Arya Stark, and that he is no one. She finishes him off by clinically slitting his throat, and although I'm super stoked this guy is gone, I'm also a little chilled by how ruthless and dark Arya is now. Arya heads back to the hall of faces to return the face she used - and of course she is sprung by Jaquen and that smug superior girl who I hate who is all like "I told you she wasn't ready". Jaquen then drinks some poison because Arya screwed up the death/life balance. But as it turns out, it's not Jaquen that drinks - just some nobody with loads of different faces that Arya keeps pulling off. Then she goes blind or something....and I'm just really not sure what happened. These people are always speaking in riddles, and it's always so dark and confusing so I never follow what's happening in Bravos. Now we're in sunny Dorne, where Jamie, Bronn, Myrcella and her betrothed are catching a boat back to Kings Landing. Oberyn's widow, gives Myrcella a big creepy liberal Dorne kiss on the lips goodbye and apologises for being a bitch. Why are the Dornish so overtly sexual all the time? Anywho - on the boat, Myrcella and Jamie share a lovely moment where Jamie confesses something Myrcella already knows - *heavy muffled breathing* "Myrcella.....I am your father". Myrcella is gracious and lovely, and they share a warm not-my-uncle-but-my-father, not-my-niece-but-daughter hug. Awww....everything is so right in the world now. But, as you will recall from last weeks recap, I did mention that it all seemed too easy, which meant someone was probably going to die this episode. And keeping with tradition, Game of Thones gives us a touching, and emotional moment, before stabbing us in our happy backs. Myrcella pulls away from the hug, her nose bleeding and gasping for air, as she collapses in her fathers arms. Back at the pier, Oberyn's bitch of a widow watches the boat sail away, as her nose begins to bleed too. She wipes her nose, then her lipstick off and proceeds to down a vial of antidote. What. A. Whore. I can't wait for the Dorne king to kill her, hopefully violently. In Meereen, Tyrion, Jorah and Dany's sellsword lover sit on the steps and make awkward chit-chat and decide that Jorah and loverman should go find Dany and her dragon in the wilderness. Tyrion isn't allowed to come because his only skills are his sharp tongue and drinking. So naturally, he gets to stay in Meereen and help Greyworm and Missandei govern while Dany is MIA. We also learn that Varys is in town. Meanwhile, in the middle of nowhere, Dany is talking to her injured Dragon and telling him that she needs to go home. But Dragons don't talk, nor understand, so she just seems like a nutter. She foolishly wanders away from her Dragon and a horse man appears....just one at first, then 3....and then like, a hundred thousand, all riding around her in a menacing whirl. I guess given they're on horses and look a bit savage that they're Dothraki. Whether they are friend or foe will be determined next season it would appear. In Kings Landing Cersei has decided to confess. But only to fornicating with her cousin while she was married to King Robert - not for birthing 3 illegitimate children to her brother Jamie. She denies whole heartedly "I did not have sexual relations with that family member". The high septor tells her she will be put on trial for her denials, but since she confessed to banging her cousin, she can go home......with a catch, atonement. She is stripped down, washed and has her long locks hacked off by those mean old nuns. She is then presented before the commoners of Kings Landing and forced to walk Stark naked (get it?) back to the Red Keep. At first, it feels like Justice....

But as it goes on, the people become increasingly riled up, savage and gross, and Cersei becomes covered in blood, shit and spit and called all manner of nasty names. I kind of start to feel bad for her, until I remember Cersei's many horrible deeds: * She went along with Bran being pushed out a window * She then arranged to have Bran finished off * She helped imprison Ned Stark, which eventually led to his head being removed from his body * She imprisoned Sansa

* She had a prostitue she thought Tyrrion loved beaten * She had a hand in the Red Wedding * She falsely accused Tyrrion of killing her son Joffrey * She gave birth to Joffrey to begin with * She doesn't like Margery...which is a crime in itself * She got both Loras and her daughter in law imprisoned and acted like a smug bitch about it Soooo....on second thoughts nope, no sympathy here. Still feels like justice. Although, I kind of can't wait for Cersei to wage war on the Militant Faith and kill that nun who kept shouting "Shame.....Shame.....Shame" as she walked naked through the streets. And now we head back to Castle Black where the Lord Commander (of our pants) tells Davos they've got no men to give Stannis, they argue, but then realise it's a moot point as the Red Witch rides through the gates looking very sullen. Without a word, she confirms both Stannis and Shireen are dead and walks off....probably to set someone on fire or something. Jon is back in his office pouring over scrolls when Oli bursts in telling him that one of the wildlings said his uncle Benjen is still alive. Jon jumps to it....and I grab a cushion to hide behind, because this sounds fishy. He makes his way through a crowd of brothers, where he sees a sign, which I *think* says TRAITOR, and as Jon turns - that dirtbag THORNE (in my ass) stabs him and exclaims "For the Watch". Oh, like you're so self righteous and mighty you mean old turd. I've always hated you and can't wait to see you die!!! Four other brothers stab Jon 'For the Watch' and even though I don't know them, I will find them, and I will kill them. Jon falls to the ground and Oli moves forward....and all of us at home are saying in our best 'We're not mad, just disappointed' voice "Don't you do it Oli, don't you do it, don't do it....." and then he thrusts the knife into Jon Snow.... "Ugh, now you gone done it you LITTLE TRAITOROUS SHIT!" And on to the mental kill list he goes as well. I don't even care that your parents got killed and eaten by wildlings....there's no excuse for putting a knife in the best looking commander the Nightswatch has ever seen. The scum brothers leave and Jon falls to the snow, his blood turning it crimson and we are all left wondering if Game of Thrones is worth the crushing depression we now feel. But where there is light, there is hope. I have a theory that I am holding on dearly to. The only thing keeping me from falling into a deep pit of despair. Remember when the Red Witch found Robert Baratheons bastard Gendry, with the Brotherhood Without Banners? And there was a dude there, that the hound killed....but his friend, with the help of the lord of light, bought him back from death....for like, the ninth time? It's no conincidence that the Red Witch arrived at Castle Black when she did....she's there to bring Jon Snow back from death. Game of Thrones is cruel show, but just hopefully, they're not cruel enough to deny us our beloved Jon Snow. Guess we will have to wait another whole year to find out!

#GOT #GameOfThrones #JonSnow #Finale #TV